My Meaning
by DigitalJessie
Summary: Set at the end of Soul Reaver 2. What is Raziels new destiny, and how will he find it?
1. A Fresh Start

A.N.: Okay this is the basic disclaimer notice. No matter how many times I've whined for and bugged my parents they refuse to buy me the rights to LoK, so until further notice, I do not own anything in this story but the plot (or lack of!!).  
  
So yah, ANYWAY, this is my first fic and I do apologise if it is totally out of character or no one likes it so.. Nyah!  
  
SideNote: All flames can and will be fed to my Chibi-Vash as my mate Laura used all of his donut money to replace my brain. Chibi-Vash -- *whines*  
  
Just so you know, this story starts at the end of Soul Reaver 2. Remember? Kain telling Raziel that Janos must stay dead?? Got it now? ^^ Kewl.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
My meaning.  
  
(Raziels POV)  
  
Darkness, an overwhelming void of darkness. My mind and body balanced so precariously on the brink of oblivion, the only way to tip the scale in my favour to concentrate on moments past. I thought back to, my fights with whom would become my 'brothers' and the moment when I had killed my former self. I dare not dwell on these thoughts, for fear that the dark would swallow me. Forcing my mind along I remember Kain, pulling the Reaver from its resting place in me, telling me to reclaim my destiny.. But what had he said to me after that? I do not recall. He had mentioned Janos Audron..  
  
I felt my soul regaining its energy and felt some of my life force returning to my withered limbs. I opened my eyes to find myself still in the crypt, where I had slain myself. Twisted. The room spiralled up in a dizzying fashion, which did nothing to help my situation. Now that I could at least see, and did not feel that one was about to fall into an abyss, I could finally feed and restore myself.  
  
Six lost souls in total I devoured. I smiled inwardly. Six lost souls had found a new home, and I could not help but wonder if one of them had been my own. That would mean now that I had three souls, all my own. Now that I was restored, I sought to find Kain and try to work a way out of the situation we were all in. My priority however, was to firstly Janos' heart.  
  
I manifested myself in the centre of the room and gazed around. Kain was nowhere in sight.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jess- Waaarrh!! Okay, I know that probably sucked, but honestly, what do you think? Should I continue?  
  
Chibi-Vash- Please be nice to her! I think I may be allergic to flames!!  
  
Jess- This weeks special offer: If you review and feed the Chibi-Vash then you can aal give him a hug or a squeeze or whatever, and I'll probably go and R&R some of your own fics cuz I'm real nice like that! =) 


	2. First Steps

A.N.: Disclaimer is on chapter 1! Wheehee!! Okay, caaaaalm. Much better. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed my fic! ^^  
  
As a side note, I realised after I re-read my first chappie that some of you may not have got the whole soul thing that I was rambling on about. If you already know about then feel free to get straight to the story, or you can read on and laugh at my amazing explanatory skills. ^^;;  
  
Basically, at the beginning of Soul Reaver, Raziel had his own soul, he was thrown into the abyss etc. When it came to the part where the Reaver was shattered against him, and bound itself to him, he got another of his souls. As we all know from the end of SR2 Raziels soul was SUPPOSED to become the spirit of the Reaver. So, by the end of SR1 Raziel had two souls. The third soul was something I added on, on a whim, he devoured his Sarafan, or his mortal soul. I've probably just contradicted myself a load of times there, but I really hoped that helped those of you who got a lil confused about that.  
  
ANYWAY, on with the story!  
  
Chibi-Vash -- FINALLY!!  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
First Steps  
  
  
  
Kain was nowhere in sight, as well as the Reaver's physical blade.  
  
Well, not surprising really. I always had been on my own, why change that now? For the time being all that mattered was finding where the Sarafan dogs had concealed Janos' heart. Kain could wait, wherever he was.  
  
However, first things first. To escape this chamber and get my bearings. I stepped over my carcass and observed the door through which I had entered. Barred and bolted. Not a hope of escape there. I glanced down at my former self, my expression, a frozen mask of pain and horror. Once I had laid eyes upon my body, my eyes could not help but wander down to the gaping wound left by the Reaver, but once there my eyes ignored the wound almost instantly, and concentrated on a shard of cleaved armour. Light. A very bright, large amount of light.  
  
I gazed up to the stone rafters of the chamber and spied the skylights, one shattered. How? I do not know nor do I care, it was a route to the outside! I looked up at a pillar, inspecting the masonry for faults. The last thing one wants when climbing, is to suddenly find oneself on ones back under a ton or so of rock. The pillar passed the test and with a leap, I was clawing my way up and out.  
  
Upon reaching the skylight and observing the stronghold, I was faced with a choice of gliding out to the lake, or gliding down deeper into the hold. Gliding down to the lake would mean an easy escape, but would leave my quest for the heart of darkness in a somewhat awkward situation, however, going down into the hold, would mean a lot of fighting, but would eventually ensure that the heart would be found. Needless to say, I opted to go further into the stronghold. Oh how I love to make things harder for myself.  
  
After my long descent, I find myself in a courtyard very similar to the one in which I fought my brothers Melchiah and Zephon. It was deserted, suspiciously quiet. The only company I had were the severed heads of numerous vampires. Sickening. Not wanting to behold the heads longer than I had to, I turned to the door leading into the stronghold, the only way to go. Upon opening the door, I began to regret making the choice to come into the stronghold as I came face to face with at least seven Sarafan guards. At times like this, I really do wish that I still had my glyphs. Luckily for me, they seemed to have been off duty as they had laid down their weapons. Of course, one also had the element of surprise..  
  
Fighting the guards was still no easy task. It did not take them too long to recover themselves and take up their weapons, during this time, I had already managed to slay two of their number. They hardly gave me a chance to respond or recover as they crowded around me, I was continuously dodging, ducking and defending, not giving me a chance to attack, although it really isn't surprising, they did after all intend to purge the world of all evil beings. Namely vampires. Getting a few attacks in here and there I slowly wore the remaining five guards down, it was painfully slow, and I feared that no sooner had I dispatched these guards, more would arrive, and be heavily armed.  
  
Finally only one guard remained. I wore him down to within a few inches of his life, not intending to kill him. I wanted answers. I tore his weapon from his hands and pinned him roughly against a wall.  
  
"Where is it!?" I demanded.  
  
"W-Where is what?" Was the weak reply he gave me.  
  
"You know what I seek, the Heart of Darkness! Where has it been concealed? Tell me, or I shall make you suffer."  
  
He laughed weakly, yet bitterly, "How could I suffer more than I already am? I am prepared to die. You will get no answers from me."  
  
I shook him, "You will tell me! I intend to drag your death out as long as possible, give me an answer to my question and I shall make your passing far more pleasant.."  
  
Again, he laughed, "I border the edge of mortality anyway, however, I shall enjoy watching you fail your quest for the demon heart." He coughed harshly, spraying a minor amount of blood upon me. "The heart has been carried far north, beyond the ruined eyrie, further north than you could imagine."  
  
Those were his last words, his breath failed him, and his blood pooled around him as he hit the floor. So, the heart had been taken to the Frozen Wastes..  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A.N.: Chibi-Vash: *wanders in and settles on the computer chair* Hello, Vash here! Jessie is unable to write her author notes as she was struck by a rather nasty ailment around a quarter of a way through this chapter. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce the brains behind this operation. Yep folks it's her budgie, Duo.  
  
Duo: *twitters from the mirror*  
  
Chibi-Vash: Well, as requested by Jessie, here are the thanks to the reviewers!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
J.M.S -- Was that a good Hmmmmm, or a bad one?  
  
VladimirsAngel -- Thank you so much for feeding the Chibi-Vash, you are now his most favoured reviewer at the moment! (Chibi-Vash: *glomps*) I too am fascinated by Raziels 'suicide'. It really is intriguing, ne?  
  
Mark -- Out of interest, do you know J.M.S? .Same response as the one to his applies.  
  
MortalK55 - Thank you for reading my fic, oh esteemed humorous parody writer! Very much appreciated.  
  
Lora-Helen -- ..Well hello again Laura! Thank you for the praise, but then you would know that it was quite a deep meaning, as you were with me when I started writing this and when I was playing SR and SR2 I had to stop every ten minutes and explain what was going on! ^^ Oh well, at least you understand now, yeah?  
  
plink -- Heh. Like I said at the beginning, the soul thing was a lil confusing, but I hope you understand it now! *looks around as if expecting to see a floats pair of eyes staring at her*  
  
Angel-chan -- YAAHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Many thanks for enjoying my fic! Here is some more of it! Chibi-Vash would like it known however that he will only be allowed to be taken ransom, so long as the ransom money is $$30, 000, 000 (well he is rather shorter than Vash-Vash) and is regularly fed.  
  
Lisa-Ann - I've been a good girl Steph! *holds out hands for the rights to LoK* Honest! *satanic tail pops out from under her jeans*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chibi-Vash: Well, Duo and I will nag Jessie for another chapter if you really want it!  
  
Duo: *makes that annoying twittery noise that budgies are so good at and nips Vash*  
  
Chibi-Vash: *edges away from Duo* 


	3. The Road to Enlightenment

A.N.: Once more, disclaimer is on chapter 1 and all the rest cuz I'm too lazy to repeat all that.  
  
I'm back, and feeling better now! Yahoooo!! ^^ For once, as I'm not feeling all too creative at the moment, my intro and starting author notes are going to be pretty damn short this time. Um. Thank you everyone who was kind enough to leave reviews, here is the next chapter for you all! Hope you enjoy it!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Road to Enlightenment  
  
  
  
So, the Sarafan had taken the Heart of Darkness to the Frozen Wastes.  
  
This was quite a risky move on the Sarafans part, to take the risk of moving across the ever-changing landscapes of Nosgoth's north most reaches. Vampires had never ventured to the Frozen Wastes, and with good reason. The continually changing landscape was next to impossible to plot on maps, and was dangerous travelling for human and vampire alike. You could set up camp on solid ice there, and in the morning you could either be buried alive in a freezing tomb of rock hard ice or, if one is foolish enough to rest nearer the edges, find oneself marooned, and facing a death of icy water.  
  
The safest possible way to traverse this barren, frozen landscape was either by air or by sea. A curse on Kain for ruining my wings! With my wings intact, I could catch up with and fight the Sarafan in next to no time, yet, it is far too strenuous to try to change the past. Far too many paradoxes would rear their ugly heads. To travel by sea would be next to impossible, I doubt with this ruined form I could go by ship, and swimming was far too tiring. I wondered, had Rahab ever made it that far north? Now, one shall never know. I shall just have to risk by land.  
  
I brought my rambling mind back to my present situation, seven dead Sarafan guards with more on the way, knowing my luck. I concluded to keep moving, in a northern direction, mainly to reach the lake. From there I would start my long journey North. I started forward to the door, leaving the blood soaked room and corpses of the guards behind me.  
  
The stronghold was like a maze! It seemed that every turn I took was either to a dead end or more guards, and was utterly infuriating. I was almost continually fighting. It was tedious and tiring. It seemed to take me hours to find similar surroundings from which to navigate myself from, and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if it had. I somehow had made my way to the corridor, which lead off to the side room where I had found the Reaver. The door was still barred.  
  
I continued along the corridors, fighting guards when I had to, until finally I reached a means of escape from the strong hold. The gates to the Southern Lake, through which I had entered. I heaved a sigh of relief, finally I would be able to escape! For the first time since I had taken up the Reaver's blade, I summoned my symbiotic weapon, all be it a little hesitantly. I felt nothing out of the ordinary, and bathed the Reaver in the font of light, allowing me to activate the gates to the Southern Lake. I silently prayed that the ice had not once again sealed the gates, and I shot a blast of light at the crystal set in the masonry above the gate.  
  
I winced as the gates tried vainly to swing open. The solid wood groaned in protest as they strained against the solid ice outside. The ice had not completely sealed the gates, but it was still close. Had I but hesitated a few moment s longer, I would be trapped until the spring and summer set in. That or wait until the Sarafan let their guard down, however, this would mean far too many battles than I would dare to imagine, and I ultimately would have been forced to extinguish every flame of life in the stronghold.  
  
Back to business. The gates had opened partially and left a gap of roughly half a meter for me to escape through. I dived into the freezing water and squeezed through the gap, just as the gates chose to swing shut, catching one of my wings! Despite the freezing water, the pain spreading from my wing burnt me. The ice was continuing to seal the tiny gap above me, my only means of escape!! Realisation dawned upon me. To escape, I would have to remove the trapped section of my wing.. The only way I could do this would be by cutting it, leaving the trapped section of it sandwiched between the gates. This realisation chilled me to the bone. It was the only way.  
  
Summoning the Reaver, I twisted around and pinched my eyes shut. It felt like my body acted of it's own accord, and sliced through my wing. I cried out as the bite of the Reaver finally hit home. Nothing but the ice heard me..  
  
I burst up through the thin layer of half formed ice, onto the thicker solid section of it. If I could, I would be sick! I howled in agony, with only the frozen corpses of Sarafan guards hearing my pain.  
  
I must have passed out at some point during my agonised howling as, when I awoke, night had fallen, and the moon and stars had begun their ascent high into the sky. I staggered to my feet and fought numerous nauseous feelings. Reaching behind myself, I gingerly touched my wing, and flinched. It was very tender, and would remain so for quite some time I feared. I slipped into the spectral realm to regain my health.  
  
Upon devouring three or so souls, I manifested myself. And started to make my way towards the Pillars, trying to ignore the dull pain. The paths to the Pillars, since my passing, were deserted and silent, save for the falling snow. I wondered, would Nosgoths new future be any better, any purer, than it's old one? Would the future wrought upon it by Kain and myself be better, pure like the fallen snow covering the landscape that would have been destined to be corrupted?  
  
My musing were interrupted by a choked noise.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jessie: *cowers and whimpers* Egads!! That musta hurt.. Why was I so mean??  
  
Chibi-Vash: *scowls* Bad! *tuts at Jessie*  
  
Duo: TWEET!  
  
Jessie: *hugs twitchy Raziel* Meep! I'm sowwy!  
  
Raziel: I refuse to talk to anymore.  
  
Jessie: .. Okay. Um, sorry if this chapter was a little vague and random in places, my sister kept engaging me in a pressing game of Jenga towards the end, so.. Well go figure!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks to:  
  
Lisa-Ann -- Thank you again o great Step for reviewing my non-animorphs story! ^^ Thank you for the rights! I'll scan them onto the comp for the world to see in the near future!  
  
Hash -- Hmmm. Um well here is the next chappy! Enjoy! (Um, you ARE abbreviating Hash'Ak'Gik or what ever his name is, aren't you?!)  
  
VladimirsAngel -- Well, once again, you are the Chibi-Vashs most favoured reviewer! (Chibi-Vash: *munches the choccy and glomps* ) *sighs* Ya know, Raziel really is getting out of shape in the long wait for SR3. *indicates Raziel still ignoring her, watching TV* You were right. I think It's his new hobby.. Anyway, as promised, there was the next chapter!  
  
MortalK55 -- Well, here is another chappy! I do so hope you enjoy it! Please update your fics soon too!! *offers a bribe of something sugary*  
  
Syvia -- I'm glad that you've liked this so far! You may not know this but, I only know where he's going and what he's doing up until chapter 4.. *realises chappy 4 is next* CRAP!! I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE'S GONNA GO AFTER THAT! *franticly starts to scribble down ideas and notes*  
  
Plink -- Well the cookies were appreciated. I never got to sample them as the Chibi-Vash ate them all, but he assures me they were very tasty! (Chibi- Vash: *grins and hugs* Thank you! ) Um, well after this chappy it's gonna be poor Raziel indeed. Oh yah! Thank you for having a word with Kain. I was putting the hole down to either plot holes or the fact that Mobious is a damn cheapskate and couldn't be bothered to fix it.. *snickers* Knobs..  
  
Sarryn -- Well, I'm glad you liked this! What you just read was more of it!  
  
Angel-chan -- YAHEEEEE!! I did continue it! The Chibi-Vash is very relieved that you decided to not hold him ransom this time (Chibi-Vash: *nods*), he would like to put forward a complaint that your arm did not taste like chicken! He claims that it was more of a cat like taste. (Chibi-Vash: *offers a cookie* Please don't steal or eat me!)  
  
lora-helen -- Laura! Well, yes, I suppose it did make the games longer didn't it! *grins* Well dear. There was the next chapter, I shall be waiting by the phone for you queries!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jessie: Whew! Now that's out of the way, I can relax for the next day and a half before starting the next chapter!  
  
Chibi-Vash: *is still munching his choccy*  
  
Jessie: *shrugs* Oh well, all reviewers will get a LoK cookie! I like cookies. *looks meaningfully at Chibi-Vash*  
  
Chibi-Vash: *looks a little guilty* .. 


	4. The Voice of The Dead

A.N.: Guess what? My disclaimer is on chapter one!!  
  
Okay, um, I'm really sorry about what happened to Raziel!! It just kinda. slipped out onto the keyboard.. Um, cruddy excuse ne? Well, I do so hope that I won't lose any of you reviewers! I love you all!!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: She does not lie! She loves you!! Damn, I love you.. Well I LOVE Twowa, but that's another story.  
  
Jessie: Well, um, on with the fic!!  
  
P.S.: I'VE LOST MY DAMN CHAPTER NOTES!! AAAARRRGH!! After this chapter, or what I can remember of it, you're gonna have to give me some time to find them, or think of new ones.. -_-;;  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Voice of The Dead  
  
My musings were interrupted by a chocked noise.  
  
I spun around, summoning the Reaver immediately, meeting..  
  
Nothing? It was obvious that something was amiss, that or my eyes and ears deceived me. No, that was not it. I glanced around at my surroundings then wished I hadn't. All I was greeted by were the impaled forms of long dead vampires.  
  
A choked cough, "H-Help. Me."  
  
Or maybe not quite so dead as they would have liked. I approached the minute forest of spears and stakes, towards the weak voice.  
  
"P-please.." There was a ragged intake of breath. I turned to the source of this. It was a female vampire, barely alive. Crucified, by the cruel hands of the Sarafan. She turned her face to me, and I could not help but feel pity for her. She had been innocent, all of them had. What had these vampires done to deserve this??  
  
"I shall help you child, but answer me this, if you can. Did you see anyone pass this way recently?"  
  
She breathed in as deep as she could, then spoke on a failing voice, "Yes s- sir. Another vampire of a sorts passed through h-here."  
  
To the Pillars. Well, at least I knew the likely whereabouts of Kain. There were not too many vampires that could walk with ease about the land.  
  
"Did you see any of the Sarafan pass by? Did you see any at all, in the distance?"  
  
She grimaced. Maybe mentioning the Sarafan was not a very tact idea. However, I needed to know.  
  
"T-They did n-not pass me b-by, sir.. They passed i-into the East.. I-I saw not where." She gasped, and if she could have, she would have doubled over in pain. Again I pitied her. Not a feeling that usually stirs within me.  
  
"Thank you child. I shall help you as best I know how." So I helped her. The only way to do so was by killing her.. She did not feel a thing.  
  
I walked on a little way, trying with all my might to ignore the dull pain still. So, the Sarafan had opted to go North via the sea. Very wise, and very safe. Well, it seemed that I had a long way to go yet. Over the land. Joy.  
  
I continued on towards the pillars, but soon I was faced with a small dilemma. The path eventually led to a set of stairs, and where in the future there had been a bridge.. There was no one now. I just knew that half a wing was going to cause me big problems. Here was the proof. I could try.  
  
I gripped my good wing, then tried to hold out my second, soon letting go. It was,.. Tender to say the least. I sighed. More climbing, it seemed was in store for me. I leapt as far as I could over to the opposite wall, digging in my claws as soon as I hit. It was not easy going. Most of the rocks over hung, and were rather slippery. Damn the waterfall.  
  
After a while of scrabbling, slipping and climbing, finally I cleared the face and approached the gates to the pillars. Taking note of the drained corpses, I walked forward into what would become the seat of Kain's empire.  
  
"Show yourself. I know you are here."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jessie: Bweh! Okay another chapter. Hoo boy. Now I have to try and deal with a dialogue heavy scene with Kain.. Ooooh I can't wait. AND I can't find my notes!! AAARRRGGH!! Anyone want to give me any ideas as to what the hell I could do?  
  
Chibi-Vash: *mutters about careless authoresses who lose their notes* She needs help. Really.. In more ways than one..  
  
Jessie: Little git!! Come here!! *jumps at Vash*  
  
Chibi-Vash: *squawks and runs*  
  
Duo: cdffjgtrt,tlpupumtr *TWEEEEEEET* (Translation: Here are those shout outs for all you reviewers. Be right back, just gotta sort out those two cases.)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thank you to:  
  
lora-helen -- Ah ha! It is the Laura! Um, thank you for the most random review I have ever had on ANY of my stories.. I think. (Chibi-Vash: *glomps Twowa* TWOWA!! DONUTS!! YAY!!) Um, well lil Vashie was pleased to see your purple haired elfie. Well, he always is. Hope you liked! *hands Laura a random soul shaped cookie* Okay, now where is that stuff I was promised??!!  
  
VladimirsAngel -- Um, yah, sorry about the whole wing thing.. It just kinda happened.. I'm gonna assume that certain reaver of souls is ignoring me on a pretty much permanent basis.. (Raziel: . . . . . . .) Well, that just confirmed it! =) I was nice to him this time, me good girl. Here, have your uh, half Raz. cookie.. *gives half cookie*  
  
Evelin The Winged -- Thanks for reading and reviewing! I checked out one or two of your fics. Interesting! I hope you've enjoyed this fic so far! *hands over a Janos cookie* Oh yes, do ignore the teeth marks. The Chibi- Vash mauled it, but it's quite safe! It was wrapped up at the time. =)  
  
Angel-chan -- Well, me continued again! I doubt that Raziel will be talking to ME for quite sometime. I'm sure he'll natter away to you if you bug him enough! *hands over a cookie-fied reaver of souls* Here ya go! *looks down then breaks off half of one of the wings* enjoy! If Raz won't talk this little guy sure will! *holds out cookie and says in a high very un-Raziel voice* Jess, you're such a BITCH!! My wings man!! MY WINGS!!!!  
  
MortalK55 -- Thank you, and here is another, hopefully, equally as interesting chapter as the last! Well, done on the recent chapter of 'I LOVE MEAT'. That was kewl! *hands him a Kain cookie* Um, think of something inventive to do with it..  
  
Deionarra -- Well, I did explain at the end that my little sis was bugging me to play Jenga when I was typing. So well, I'm not completely surprised that it seemed a little OOC, and I've jut noticed that I've made a ton of typos so.. Yah! I hope that this chapter meets up to standards! *hands over a um. Well, I'm not sure what cookie you'd like, so here, have an assortment!*  
  
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Jessie: *looks cheesed* Caniving git.. Oh hi guys! Duo sorted us out. Um.. *realises something* Heeeeyyy... What happened to the others who last reviewed my fic?? Where are you all!!!??? *looks under a rock*  
  
Chibi-Vash: *big teary chibi eyes* Don't you guys love me any more? *whimper*  
  
Jessie: Oh dear, prepare for an immanent attack of the Chibi-Blues.. Oh yes, to all of you who reviewed the chapter before last, I have a big box of cookies with your names on it! CLAIM THEM BEFOR THE CHIBI-VASH GETS 'EM!! Oh yes, all reviewers this time will get a lil plush. Um, just need to find them buggers first.. Next chapter will be in about two or so weeks, I'm gonna be busy!! Sowwy guys! =( 


	5. Per Chance to Meet

A.N.: Yep, you guessed it, the disclaimer is on chapter 1!!  
  
Oki-day, first and foremost, I'm SO SO SO SORRY for taking an age to write and post another chapter! Heh, I blame Kain for this. He's too damn fatalistic!! The little bugger! .  
  
I still haven't found my chapter notes so, this may well be quite a random chapter, but I really hope that it fits with my story. It's confusing cuz I'm having to make assumptions in the time lines for the different games (namely Blood Omen 2 and Soul Reaver 2). It's confusing!! o.0;;  
  
Anyhoo, the Chibi-Vash is back on his feet so, on with the fic! (Damn, this makes it sound like it should be a humour.)  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Per Chance to Meet  
"Show yourself, I know you are here."  
  
Ahead of me, who should step out from behind the Balance Pillar, but Kain.  
  
"Raziel," He acknowledged. "I knew you would come."  
  
I narrowed my eyes. I believe that I had once said this before. 'Every time I see you something cataclysmic happens.' I really would not be surprised if my quest would have many such events. Just as I had found my life come full circle at the Stronghold, a quests destiny it seems, always comes full circle too. For it all started here, at The Pillars.  
  
"Kain. Why do you hound me? Is there not something better for you to do??"  
  
He looked almost taken aback. It was only a flicker however, he immediately regained his composure.  
  
"May I remind you Raziel, whom is it who saved you from your endless cycle?" He narrowed his eyes. "Our differences will be settled at a later date Raziel, the fate of our world is the more important matter. Hear me out Raziel, then make your assumptions."  
  
I stayed quiet. I was strangely intrigued by what Kain had to say, I had a gut feeling it would affect my quest in one way or another. I would let him speak. Maybe what he knew would be of some use. He did not wait for a reply from me.  
  
"As I said before Raziel, all of our actions were orchestrated by the Hylden, a race hell bent on revenge against our kind. The one who knew this most was Janos. Two hundred years before you walked again, I saw what the Hylden did to Janos. They used him to give energy to a machine and creature known as 'The Mass'. Using this being, they planned to rid Nosgoth of both humans and vampires alike, as 'revenge' on the ancients of our kind, for banishing them. To them, Janos made the perfect being to power the device."  
  
Interesting as this was, I had places to go, I hoped that Kain would soon make his point..  
  
"If you raise Janos again the Hylden may well try to use him to power the device. In their containment, there is no knowing what they may have come up with. They could well have created another being to wreak destruction upon Nosgoth. If this happens they will surely find a way either to the past or present, and eradicate everything.. That, Raziel, is why Janos must stay dead."  
  
I considered what Kain had said. I saw now why he was so eager to keep Janos dead. But I had made a promise to myself and Janos, I would avenge him and restore him, I now saw reason to break my promise. So why did I still feel so compelled to go north?  
  
Kain seemed to see my confusion as to what I should be doing.  
  
"Fate commands you to find the Heart of Darkness Raziel. You will travel North whether it is your will or not, what you choose to do with the heart after you regain it, is left to you. The Hylden have planned this so that you will restore Janos to life. This is what you must fight."  
  
And then, Kain was gone.. I despise fate.  
  
There was no sense in lingering at The Pillars any longer, shifting to the spectral realm, I started north once again, with new thoughts.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jessie: Huzzah!! I finished at long last!! \^o^/ Man, I really hate dialogue heavy scenes!! Oh well, who knows when we will next see Kain again.  
  
Chibi-Vash: Well, I hope it's not too soon. All his damn talking gave me a headache! *grumbles*  
  
Jessie: Well that's your problem little dude! *smirk* Well guys, sorry if this chapter was a bit of a let down, but from here hopefully things will get better!! The plot shall thicken. At some point anyway.. FATE DEMANDS IT!!  
  
Raziel: *grumbles and twitches*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
With thanks to those patient reviewers, and a set of LoK plushies:-  
  
Angel-chan -- ^^ Whelp, me did finally continue! I hope you still read this and like the plushes! ^^;; *looks around and whips out a Raziel plush then sniggers* Voodoo!! =) *sticks a pin into it* (Raziel: GYAAK!! BITCH!! ) Heh, well, me thinks he'll talk now, under pain of voodoo!!  
  
VladimirsAngel - Thanks for the icey cream, it helped the Chibi-Vash. I'll have to remember that one when I need to be jammy! ;) I'm glad that you liked the last chapter, this one I hope you liked too. I indeed agree with you about Raziel. That's why I wrote it. =)  
  
Deionarra -- =) I still love Jenga, but then you may have gathered that already! I can see what you mean about the morbid-ish parts, I read your fic. And still am! ^^ It's kewl. Unfortunatly the God of Finding Lost Things has still not helped my find my notes, but I'm not gonna let that faze me. I WILL write more!!  
  
Angie - Heh, hey cuz! ^^ Good to know that you liked this, even if I did kinda bully you into it.. *whistles innocently* (Chibi-Vash: *scowls and beats Jess around the head with a flowerpot*) _ Owwie...  
  
MortalK55 - Heehee, well there was the chapter, hope it met up to the standards set by the other chapters of the story! The sugar was probably not a good idea, many character suffered voodooing at my sugar high, but I loved it!! More, more!! *goes slightly psycho and, on pain of flowerpots, voodoos with the plushies again*  
  
Hash - Sorry about missing a shout out for ya in the last chapter. ^^ So, Hash is back!!  
  
lora-helen -- *blinks* Laura, I really think you should see the school shrink more often! ^^ Well, I dunno what I'm gonna do with all the suff you gave me, but I liked it!! I dunno, it'll probably make it's way into an upcoming fic of mine in the near future.  
  
May you all enjoy the plushes!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jessie: Whew! A few days rest, then I start typing again! ^^  
  
Chibi-Vash: Not likely! *pulls out a Jess plushie and pins* WORK ON NOTES NOW!!  
  
Jessie: *gets traumatised and starts scribbling* Memo to self: Voodoo not so hot. 


	6. The Future Drags On

A.N.: DO I really need to say it again? Read chapter one, it's there!!  
  
Bweeheehee!! Well, umm, yeah, I finally got off my butt and decided to write up and post the sixth chapter. I hope you guys are still interested in reading.. *looks around the empty room* Or maybe not.  
  
Chibi-Vash: Well, you have no one to blame but yourself! If you'd bothered to type this sooner then maybe people would still be reading it!  
  
I DO have someone.. Or should it be something to blame though! My German oral exam! Hah! THAT'S why I didn't update! =P  
  
Chibi-Vash: .. Whatever!! I suppose laziness has nothing to do with it either? Your oral was three weeks ago!!  
  
Details!! ... *gets down on her knees* OMG!! Forgive me people who bother to read!! I have been bad!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: Get on with the fic!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Future Drags On  
  
There was no sense in lingering at The Pillars any longer, shifting to the spectral realm, I started north once again, with new thoughts.  
  
I climbed the steps behind the eerily silent pillars, and continued towards the Subterranean Ruins, the haunt of the Elder God, the monstrosity who condemned me to this hideous state.  
  
I entered the chamber the beast resided in, awaiting the usual bombardment of comments, criticisms and threats, only to be met by complete and utter silence. Most unusual. I spared the 'God' a glance as I leapt over the water, and received an almost surly glare.  
  
"What? Nothing to say? This really is abnormal for one such as yourself. Every time I have passed through here I have received a dose of venom from you. Why not now?"  
  
My only reply was silence. Perhaps this being truly had no hold over me anymore, if it ever had, or perhaps, fate had deemed his ownership of me void. This, I suppose left me to fate, and fate alone. At least now I did not need to test his power or patience further, I had other boundaries to explore.  
  
I met no resistance as I slipped into the water, though I'm sure that I could see rebellion in those giant eyes, or maybe it was just my mind, I wouldn't have thought squiddy could have expressive eyes.  
  
I carried on through the ruins and navigated the swamp, leaping here and there to avoid the sticky, stagnant waters, and demon carcasses left by yours truly. I proceeded to climb my way up to the Mountain Passes, plodding through the high, twisting passages, passing yet more corpses of Sarafan guards, demons and the ever-persecuted vampires.  
  
It did not take me too long before I passed through the gates of Uschtenheim, the hunting grounds of Janos, and I was not surprised to find the streets deserted. There were still mortals here, hiding away in their houses and I assumed that it would not be too long before some of them gathered enough courage to investigate the sudden lull in the activity that had been outside.  
  
Rather than risk the inhabitants lynching me I opted to pass through the town quickly rather take my time, regaining my physical state like I usually would have done.  
  
Passing through the northern gates of Uschtenheim, I drew ever closer to Janos' Retreat, and ever closer to Frozen Wastelands of Nosgoth.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Okay, I've just noticed that this chapter, having been written quite a while after chapter 5, makes Raziel seem a tad out of character. Eh, for that my friends, I DO so apologise profusely!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: *mutters something about it being Jess' own fault*  
  
*mutters back* Well, eh after that short intermission, here are the thank ee's and stuff.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks to:-  
  
Angel-chan -- Well, suppose so, here have another plush! *hands over a Raz. plushie* I do hope that you liked this chapter (if indeed you still are reading it) and I promise that I WILL work on the next chapter far sooner than the time it took me to spout of this chapter! Chibi-Vash: *snort* Yeah right..  
  
Lora-helen -- Well Bushell, THIS time you did NOT hear this chapter over the phone!! *cackles* Although you will probably know what is in it anyway as you have spent most over the time reading it over my shoulder. AND while I was TRYING to do your thankee.. But oh well!! Thanks for the music box. Thing. It can go with all the other LoK stuff gifted to me by you and Light.  
  
Deionarra -- Well guess what? STILL no sign of the blasted chapter notes!! I think we need to draft in a new God of Finding Lost Things because I think the current one has lost himself (that or he's playing Jenga somewhere! Lol)!! Thanks for the pos. feedback about Raz. being IC and true, I find Kain a little bastard to write IC in. I tried to practice it for a future chappy but well.. The results weren't too good. Kain and Raz will meet again in the future, I just need to think of some good sarcastic venom for them to exchange! =D  
  
VladimirsAngel -- Firstly, I would like to gift you with some SulleySenior jagged pins, they work magic with revenge voodoo against those who voodoo you!! The Chibi-Vash certainly appreciated the pins (which I did NOT) and happily scoffed cookies. They were, I've been told, very tasty. Thanks for the pos. comment 'bout ol' Razzy. This chapter, I don't feel really met up to the usually standards, but I hope you partially enjoyed it!  
  
Lisa-Ann -- Thankee Step for reading!! I have to object however, voodoo is good (so long as you are not on the receiving end)!! If you are finally bowing to me, does that mean I get a throne? And a pedestal? And gold? And. Chibi-Vash: Well done. Now you've really set her off!! Just like the time about the rights to LoK!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, I KNOW that this chapter could be SO much better, and I'm eternally sorry that after such a long wait this chapter wasn't fantastically entertaining, but well, it was just one of the chapters that No ONE really wants to read but is essential anyway. I do however promise and can guarantee that the upcoming chapters are better written and far more interesting.  
  
Hope to see you at the next chapter!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: LOVE & PEACE!! 


	7. Revelations

Disclaimer: I don't own nufin!! Nufin in dis fic I tells ya!! NUFIN!! With the exception of the plot line, of course!  
  
Whelp! Here we are, another chapter!! Scary no? Errr.. I HAVE BLOODY EXAMS!! *screams* Biology. English... History. *shudders* You may well be hearing more frequently from me, I'll do ANYTHING to keep my mind of the exams!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: My arse you'll write, oh miss I'm-so-addicted-to-Final Fantasy 7-that-I-stayed-up-until-4am!!  
  
With the exception of Final Fantasy 7, yes I will write..  
  
Chibi-Vash: *snort*  
  
.I'll try to. ^^ With the PS2's permission, I shall write more!! Yee!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: They don't want to hear anymore random crap from you!! GET ON WITH THE DAMN STORY!! *bites*  
  
YIPE!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Revelations  
  
I passed swiftly through the silent icy street of Uschtenheim, pressing north.  
  
As I was passing even more bodies, a thought struck me. Janos had vowed to guard and protect the Reaver, so did that not make him my guardian as well? I WAS the spirit of the reaver, the very being of the blade..  
  
With this thought in mind I continued with a little more urgency, I had ties to Janos now, more than before.  
  
I couldn't help but twitch involuntarily as I passed the beacon at the steps marking the once grand entrance to Janos' home. It stole a part of me, useful though this was, the experience was not really one I enjoyed.  
  
I gazed up at the ruined eyrie, and I could not help but feel saddened. The destruction I had wrought. Janos.  
  
I realised then, that I was in a bit of a fix. I was stuck here to some degree. I could not proceed to travel further north, lest I climbed a mountain. Believe me I tried, the rock was unnaturally smooth and far to hard for me to get a purchase in using my claws. I did not want to give up, it wasn't my style, but it looked like my quest was going to turn that way.  
  
I decided on a whim to enter Janos' eyrie once more. I can honestly say that I am not too sure why. Maybe to see Janos' once more or perhaps it was the silence of the eyries halls that I sought. A place to think.  
  
I opted to swim in. The path in through the base of the platform was still blocked with unmoveable debris. I surfaced at yet another beacon, and.. I won't elaborate. As I made my way up this chamber and through into the next, I felt sicken somewhat that this was my doing, I had set down an easy path to Janos' death.  
  
I slowly walked through the gaping doors, doors that I should have had the sense to seal before continuing. There was no sense in closing them now..  
  
I entered Janos' chamber, and met an oppressive silence. My footfall was muffled completely by the thick strip of carpet, the fire was out, nothing stirred. I halted a few feet from the ancients body and allowed by gaze to settle upon him.  
  
It took me a good few minutes to notice that his body had been laid out properly, his garments fresh and the gaping wound cleaned.. How?  
  
Echoing footsteps.  
  
I was not alone here..  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
O~oh!! Cliffie!! =)  
  
Chibi-Vash: Meanie..  
  
HEY!! You complain when I don't write, but then when I do, you bash me as well!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: It's not that. The end. That was, mean.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thankees and stuff:-  
  
Lora-Helen -- BUSHELL!!! HERE IS ONE CHAPTER YOU DID NOT HEAR ABOUT BEFORE ANYONE ELSE!! *cackles* I beat you!! ^^ Danke schon for all the goodies but, don't I already have the Twowas servitude? I have a Vash!! Chibi-Vash: *latches onto the Twowa* Yee!!  
  
Deionarra -- *looks awkward* Shame on me indeedy. My bad. But this chapter is longer!! By 27 words! *I'm-so-large-I-could-somehow-manage-to-drown-a- barracuda sweatdrop* I did write more however, and I have made sure that Raziel is IC! Go me!! *dances*  
  
MortalSora -- ^^ STUFF!! MAGICAL STUFF!! WHEE!! (Chibi-Vash: Ye gods.) Wow!! Personally I liked the weird comment side I accidentally added to Raz, but it didn't seem to fit when I reviewed what sort of fic this was.. Heehee, oops! Thankee for the stuff, here have. *rummages around* my devil ducky! Enjoy!!  
  
VladimirsAngel -- ^^ Here be the chapter! Yee!! Me no care whether you're hypocritical or not, it's probably down to the Raziel that sits on your subconscious, mines a sarky moody git. How about yours? Chibi-Vash: *glomp* PIZZA!! I LOVE YOU!!  
  
Lisa-Ann -- Gold leaf or not, I still have my pedstal and throne!! *looks down upon her loyal servants, namely Chibi-Vash, moody Raziel and the Sarafan Raz who lives in her closet* ^^ You gave me French papers, but have I done them, or even looked at them? HELL NO!!  
  
Angel-chan -- Yee I continued!! The thunder thing isn't lame, I envision it whenever I come back to do.. stuff!! Chibi-Vash: *thunder and lightning* VOODOO OR WRITE MORE!! (Jessie runs a mile)  
  
Evelin The Winged -- If your back from the dead, doesn't that make you a vampire? lol, the whole squiddy thing started because I couldn't think of what animal group a squid came from (apart from fish), so squiddy kinda crept in.. ^^  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
That's all for now folks!! See you at the next chapter!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: WHEn you write it..  
  
*evil look* 


	8. Ahon

Disclaimer: Dun own nothing but the plot and my own character from here on in. You'll meet him in due time. Want to take legal action? Then you can talk the matter over with Sarafan Raziel. (S. Raziel: *psycho laugh*)  
  
^_^ Another chapter written!! Heeheehee, and the Chibi-Vash said I wouldn't write! Foo'!!  
  
Chibi-Vash: Yer a retard, ya know that right? Cuz I'll tell you again if I have to..  
  
Ya dun need to say a word lil dude, I already know!! *looks smug*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ahon   
  
The footsteps drew ever closer, and I stood my ground, by Janos' body. I wished to see the being who cared for my guardian, possibly in life as well as his death. I stood as his head, my talons resting on the tablet he was laid out upon.  
  
The footsteps halted, and I raised my eyes to the ornate doorway. There stood a graceful male, unmistakably vampiric, observing me with pale eyes. The long feathers of his dark wings brushed the floor. I wondered if my wings had been something to do with my guardian.   
  
A moment of silence, then. . .  
  
"Raziel, no? The master said you would come. ."  
  
"Yes. . And you are?"  
  
The vampire inclined his head, "Ahon, the masters last fledgling."  
  
I flicked my eyes back down to Janos. So, he still had someone to care for him.. Even in his death.. I would not need to worry for his body's safety at least.  
  
"The master asked me to aid you, Raziel."  
  
I looked back to Ahon.  
  
"He said, that when you returned, I should open the passages, and show you the only easy way north by land. I was instructed to take you out to the other side of the mountains, and I shall do so, for my master wishes it so." And with these words, he motioned for me to follow, and slowly turned, exiting the chamber.  
  
With a last look at Janos, I turned away, and followed.  
  
Ahon led me through the eyrie, through vast chabers, winding passages and across beautiful, silent, snow-covered courtyards. We walked in silence, I did not have any wish for conversation, I was plotting. Ahon's silence? Who knows his reasons. . .  
  
Onward we walked. Across another courtyard, through more passages, the path twisted on and on.  
  
I did not know for how long we walked, lost in my plotting and wondering, I nearly walked straight into Ahon's back when he stopped.  
  
"What?"  
  
Ahon took another step foreward and raised an arm, indicating the end of the passages, a gateway. "We part ways for now, Raziel."  
  
I eyed the gateway, then turned back to Ahon. "For now?"  
  
He smiled sadly. "Yes, the master said that we shall cross paths later, although it shall not be in a place as peaceful. Go now, fate calls you. . . "  
  
And with that he gave me a small push through the gate, out onto a field of ice. I turned and looked for the gate through which I had came. There was nothing.  
  
I sighed, well as much as one could, and opened my mind, feeling for a way to go. I did not feel the biting cold, nor the icy winds that whipped around me, I set off, going North. As I did so, I could not help but wonder what fate now had in store for me, and for Ahon.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
OMFG!! I know!! I haven't updated for ages!! *cowers* And I apologise if this chapter may seem a bit of a let down, but I can't really do that much, this is what I had down to happen in my notes, though it seems better if you read the rest of the fic over then read this chapter.. ^__^;;;;;;  
  
Chibi-Vash: I don't think they care that much, they probably died of shock that you actually posted something.  
  
. . . SORRY GUYS!! I am starting the next chapter right now! Hopefully not too long till it are posted!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thank yous, apologies, etc:-  
  
VladimirsAngel -- The Chibi-Vash enjoyed his candy, and looks forward to more, but he fears the choccy bunnies may have gone mouldy by now!! Hope that you enjoyed this chappy.  
  
Hash -- Yep, it was a cliffie, BUT now we have the conclusion to it! ^__^ Rah!  
  
Lisa Ann -- I have absolutely no clue if you will actually pick up this fic again, but hey, if you do read it, hope you enjoyed it!  
  
MortalSora -- 0_0 I need to read up on your fics, THERE ARE LOADS OF THEM NOW!! *twitches* Ah well, in other news, I now have a glow in the dark devil ducky *grins foolishly and glomps the person who gave it to her* and I shall be doing much reading.. After of course the Chibi-Vash has stopped poking me into doing more writing. ^__^ Enjoy!  
  
Lora Helen -- I know you are going to call me and squeal down the phone at me when you realise that I've updated. . . I don't think I really need to say more on the matter.  
  
Evelin The Winged -- Well, the mystery of the footstep man is still kinda cloudy, friendly for now, but then, who knows? It was rather ominous what he said at the end, ne? Hopefully by now you are much better, but then again, its been so long, you may have caught another diease, I have a cold!! *waves box of tissues around* And hell, Michael Bell is bloody everywhere!! I'm not surprised he was in 8 Mile, have you seen the bonus pics on SR2? He's always popping up. lol Hope you'll still read this, hope ya liked it!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, there you have it folks, the latest chapter of 'My Meaning'. And now, I am off to finish the next chapter of 'Inner Demons, Loon Pilots and a Tiny Bronco' And then, I shall be able to h-  
  
Chibi-Vash: THEN you shall write another chapter for each of them, and not get behind again!! *stern look*  
  
. . . . *grumbles and picks up a pen and paper* I want to draw first. Me shall draw Ahon, I am INSPIRED!! *starts to scribble*  
  
Chibi-Vash: I damn give up with you. . . *wanders away and holds a confrence with the other muses about how to get Jess to do more work*  
  
*grins happily from her desk* See ya next chapter folks! 


End file.
